“You helped me manage one of the toughest decisions of my life and the complex discussions and emotions that were created by my decision.”
F, Leeds
Should I stay or should I go?
More and more, I am working with people who are not sure whether they should stay in their marriage or relationship or separate from their partner.
Contemplating ending a long-term relationship is a huge step, not to mention filing for divorce. Nevertheless, if you find yourself wondering whether you would be happier without your partner, you need to take active steps to identify the change that is needed.
The very fact that you are unsure clearly means that the relationship is lacking in some way. I do not advocate staying together no matter what. I believe that everyone is entitled to happiness in our all too short lives. At the same time, the adage that the grass is not always greener is never truer than in this situation.
Helping you gain clarity
I would always recommend seeking information from a family solicitor regarding your legal position before doing anything. It is always better to know where you stand in order to make informed decisions.
Before you make those decisions, it is essential that you are confident about your feelings and clear about what the next steps are for you in your relationship. This is often best facilitated by somebody objective and trained in this area, as opposed to friends and family who invariably have an emotional connection to you and your partner.
I can help you gain clarity and understand whether the unease you are feeling is due to your own negative perception or whether there are genuine problems in the relationship.
I am not a marriage guidance counsellor. I work with individuals, not couples, and I ask questions that will help you disentangle your feelings, see things from different perspectives and gain the clarity you are looking for.
You may reach the conclusion that your relationship can be saved. Or you may realise that it has come to an end. Whatever the outcome, taking the time to think things through and reflect, rather than rushing into a hasty decision, will help ensure that you are making the decision that is right for you.